Pitter patter,
pitter patter,
do you hear it as it shatters?
My heart,
It moans and whines,
as I walk a ever fine line,
speaking to you in riddles,
only you can find.
I swear,
I do not care for you.
I feel more blue,
believe me,
when I am around you.
For all you give me is agony.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Pitter patter
Mind you, this "poem" or whatever you want to call it, has nothing to do with me. Let's just say when I wrote this, I was in someone else's mind. I also was listening to one song that, well, its mood was kind of ...angsty.
3 comments:
interesting - sounds like you were trying to get rid of someone who seems to think the opposite of what you are feeling - such is life - we are often times misinterpreted or misunderstood - you have some pretty interesting poems here - E :)
Well, like I said... I didn't write this based on my life.. But yeah, I guess the poem is saying that. I'm glad you like it! :)
May I quote you?
"Pitter patter,
pitter patter,
do you hear it as it shatters?
My heart,
It moans and whines,
as I walk a ever fine line,
speaking to you in riddles,
only you can find."
Okay, so this part - lovely. I really like it. I especially like that third line of stanza one. It gets people's attention. The second is a bit angsty, but it's not overload. And it has mystery and intrigue to it, especially with that "only you can find" bit.
But this third verse, ehh...
"I swear,
I do not care for you.
I feel more blue,
believe me,
when I am around you.
For all you give me is agony."
I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling it! *feeling it*, you know. It seems a bit overload in the angsty department, and as if you were perhaps a bit too desperate to rhyme, i.e., "I do not care for you" and "blue."
But perhaps I am being far too analytical. Anyway, I like this poem. It gets emotion across strongly, it's not flat; it's alive, and not dull, and you have nice word choice. I like the "pitter patter" word choice especially. It makes me think of rain, which makes me think of sadness, and this poem seems to me to be sadness and anger both.
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